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Now Some Flowers, They Never Bloom.
and some flowers, they just bloom dead.
That's him in the corner of social oblivion
Encompassed by the sweet sense of freedom
If only his substance held a higher level of potence
He might be able to drown the portion of his mind
Which is trapped in the infinite hoard
Of his 1972 through '74 tour through the flames of this hell

Sometimes gunfire is brighter than the sunshine
And sometimes a child's scream influences every dream
Sometimes we fool ourselves into thinking we've moved on
But no way, nohow, do we ever forget what we've seen

It's now twenty-five years later, he's on the brink of forty-three
Still searching for sanity, surveying the floor of his distorted sea
He rememebers high-school friends joking about the war
Never knew what mom was crying for
The other piece that shines in his mind was a divine first love
Sewn-made, beauty, brown-eyed queen he left behind
He remembers holding her tight, watching the sunset at shore
Never knew what she was crying for
He got the letter in the mail by the middle of his summer
Wouldn't have had to go if it wasn't for his newborn brother
He was barely eighteen, murdering people even younger
And he still ducks and covers every time he hears the thunder
He still hears the screams, smells the flesh, tastes the death
Sees the blood, feels the pain, what's to gain, nothing's left
But the slug that remains in his right calf
The bullet laughs every time he cries, and it drives him mad
Trying to sleep, but the visions give him a cold sweat
The war's been over for two decades, but he still hasn't been home yet
And every day he waits and strains to supress his guilt
And forget the horror and the violence; the "kill or be killed"
Fists, they always clenched; teeth, they were always grinding
Real life is lost and in a bottle he tries to find it
"It's not fair," he mumbles through a nightmare
Only in a fight for two years and wound up spending his whole life there

He went face to face with the devil for the welfare of his country
Now he's straining to live but his conscience won't let him
It ain't flashbacks, He left the war, but the war never left him

It's now twenty-five years later, he's on the edge of a park bench
He asked God for hope and found his source non-existant
He sits in the shadows, because the sun burns no more
Now he knows what mom was crying for
I used to watch the old man in the park
The sights slowly drove fright through my heart
Wishing I could help but not knowing where to start
I'd walk away, curse the world, gush some love and curse some more
Now you know who I've been crying for
He threw his medals in the river but they sunk alone
Put shades on his eyes to hide from the warzone in the sky
He tried to slit his wrists about a month ago
But he's seen so much death, he's scared to life of suicide
If there was only some way he could escape this penitentiary
Goals get bigger and figures it'll chase away his memory
But the dreams only worsen, the scenes almost burst in
He recalls how training took away his right to be a person
Put a gun in his hand, left him to die for the land
The plan was the murder of man
Politicians have a dispute to decide to send in troops
Now he's running out of time, and running out of energy
But 'til the last day he will fight for the murder of his memories
And although he never got rid of his dog-tags
He still wishes they'd have sent his parents an American flag

Sometimes gunfire is brighter than the sunshine
And sometimes a child's scream influences every dream
Sometimes we fool ourselves into thinking we've moved on
But no way, nohow, do we ever forget what we've seen

Current Mood: awake awake
Current Music: Tick Tick Boom ; "Somethings Breaking my Babys Heart"

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I'm Sitting in my cold dark room
I'm starring in a mirror at I don't know who.
So many different images of me appearing disappearing who are you?
I can be a vixen, I can be a vampire,
prince, or a junkie, virgin, or a tramp
bend me, shape me, anyway you want me, image me up
and the camera will tell you who I am

Swinging to a rythm of a beat that I don't recognize,
Inside I'm a mess.
I'm higher then a kite
please tell me is it day or night?
and god I hate these shoes.
Lip gloss, weight loss, face lift, nose job,
sillicone, novacain, plastic features, plastic beauty, plastic me
Look and see and the camera will tell you who I am

Current Music: Into The Woods ;

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I can't remember when it was good
moments of happiness in bloom
maybe I just misunderstood
all of the love we left behind
watching our flash backs intertwine
memories I will never find
inspite of whatever you become
forget that reckless thing turned on
I think our lives have just begun
I think our lives have just begun

and I'll feel my world crumbling down
feel my life crumbling now
feel my soul crumbling away
falling away
falling away with you

staying awake to chase a dream
tasting the air you're breathing in
I hope I won't forget a thing
I wish to hold you close and pray
watching our fantasies decay
nothing will ever stay the same
and all of the love we threw away
and all of the hopes we've cherished fade
making the same mistakes again
making the same mistakes again

and I'll feel my world crumbling down
feel my life crumbling now
feel my soul crumbling away
and falling away
falling away with you

all of the love we left behind
watching our flash backs intertwine
memories I will never find
memories I will never find

Current Mood: lazy lazy
Current Music: Muse ; "Falling Away With You"

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Who am I to need you now
To ask you why to tell you no
To deserve your
love and sympathy
Perhaps I was never meant to belong to you

Current Mood: contemplative contemplative
Current Music: Anthony Rapp ; "Just Some Guy"

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My friend,
You're always the last one to leave
Those dimly lit rooms.
Making sure the last glass makes its way to the table empty.
And every bottle in the place
Has been upside down
At least a few times what a waste.
Is this what's left of you these days?

You're not eighteen anymore.
Five years should have been,
enough time for you to grow up and get over this.
Not too cool to be throwing up all morning sick
from what you might have done or done it with.

I swear
if I could take your pain And frame it
hang it on my wall,
Maybe you would never have to hurt it all.
Painting your picture in red and blue.
A portrait bruised just like you

And now you're walking away.

When is enough, finally enough?

Current Mood: okay okay
Current Music: Sounds of keyboard stroked ; Work

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1) Total number of films I own on DVD: 98

2) The last film I bought: Closer

3) The last film I watched in theater: Star Wars, Episode III: Revenge of the Sith

4) Ten films that I watch a lot or that mean a lot to me

L.A Confidential
Hedwig and the angry Inch
Interview with the vampire
Swing Kids
Party Monster
That thing you do
Starwars movies
Lord of the Rings movies
Harry Potter movies

5) Tag 5 people and have them put this in their journal:

Gabriel266, My_Other_LJName, Pieces_of_me, Mexxxeee, LilDevilBoi

Current Mood: drained drained
Current Music: The Recital: X2

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1. Leave me a comment saying, "Interview me."
2. I will respond by asking you five questions. I get to pick the questions.
3. You will update your LJ with the answers to the questions.
4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the same post.
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.


1) You're a huge musical theatre buff: what would you do the instant you heard you were going to lose your sight and your hearing? (haha these thoughts really didn't mix, did they?)

I would pop in Woody Shaw's recording of "There will never be another you" his improv solo on there is amazing, that cat really knew music.

2) Finish the sentence: "If I'm not stoned, I'm ________"

Driving home from San Francisco, figuring out that Philipinos really aren't harmless. Upset that they eat their young and that they will not hesitate to con you if you turn your back. ;-)

3) Describe your life in 15 syllables.

It's Automatic, Supersonic, Hyptnotic, Funky Fresh

4) Who is the one person in your life, at this point in time, whom you can always count on?

I would have to say my straight friend Omar - he is my one friend I have never been in a fight or had a falling out with. I know if things get tough I can always count on him.

5) What's your most embarassing childhood memory?

one time I was reading directions my sister wrote out for me and they said "right hand side" and I was driving down the street looking for a street called "hand side" to make a right on. I swear sometimes I can be a ditz! haha.

Current Mood: awake awake
Current Music: Airmen of Note ; "Spain"

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unbound24: dont be mad at me. if your tires are slached
Paint It Sad: slashed*
Paint It Sad: this is AIM bitch
Paint It Sad: you dont have an accent

I <3 my Rayray

Current Mood: satisfied satisfied
Current Music: keyboards typing @ work

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So I'm at tigerheat and I am in line to get a drink
The broad of a bartender looks at me and says
"you've had enough to drink"

anyone who knows me, knows that means WAR

I put on my queeniest face, look that skank up and down,
cock my perfect eyebrow

and proceed to call that bitch out

"Don't act like you don't need my $2 tip, I know where you live"

her jaw drops to the floor

I say "you know what, I'm over you and your bad drinks"

I go to the bar across the way,
tell the bartender I want 2 drinks,
and the world is whole once again

Current Mood: amused amused
Current Music: Damien Rice; "The Blowers Daughter"

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I feel like i'm amazing, but never amazing enough

Oh yeah, I got bit by a poisonous flesh-eating spider yesterday


My arm hasn't fallen off yet.

Current Mood: apathetic apathetic
Current Music: Tool ; "Sober"

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Oh no, my little cousins!

Current Mood: artistic artistic
Current Music: Songs For a New World ; "The World Was Dancing"

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Waiting on a shooting starCollapse )

Current Mood: nostalgic nostalgic
Current Music: Bare ; "Portrait of a Girl"

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Dear Boy I have yet to meet,

I had that dream again last night. The one where I go to your apartment while you are at work and your room mate lets me in. It's the same dream I've been having for a while now. I walk into your room and pack a bag for you to last for 3 days. When you get off of work I trick you into meeting me for dinner before you go home, where I then proceed to kidnap you. We drive about 4 hours North along the pacific coast highway picking the most random of beachfront cities to settle in. We then check into a bed and breakfast and turn off our cell phones. I can feel it, it's going to be soon.

Tomorrow is sweet,
Tomorrow is real,
Tomorrow is everything,
I've wanted it to be.

With Undying Love,
Juan Hidalgo

Current Mood: good good
Current Music: Ani Difranco ; Fire Door

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I'll give you stars and the moon and the open highway
And a river beneath your feet
I'll give you days full of dreams if you travel my way
And a summer you can't repeat.
I'll give you nights full of passion and days of adventure,
No strings, just warm summer rain.

Current Mood: determined determined
Current Music: The Sounts of Keyboards Typing

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</b>Paint It Sad:</b> good morning
</b>Dvool:</b> top of the morning to you
</b>Paint It Sad:</b> *tips hat*
</b>Dvool:</b> *bucks teeth*
</b>Paint It Sad:</b> LOL
</b>Paint It Sad:</b> nerd
</b>Dvool:</b> lol ^_^

Current Mood: amused amused
Current Music: sounds of keyboards typing

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Why is it when a really good looking guy messages me it's only for a hookup. One guy I had been talking to for the past 5 days suddenly wants me to come over and take a shower with him, 2 hours later an old hot or not double match messages me drunk wanting me to go skinny dipping. I've been kind of discouraged lately, it seems like most people I am attracted too are only interested in one thing, no one seems to want to date anymore -

Dear Boy I have yet to meet,

I know our adventures have yet to begin, however I just wanted to let you know what you can expect from me when I do meet you. You will wake up to a backrub every morning instead of an alarm clock. I will randomly pick you up in my arms and carry you. I will spend weeks carefully handcrafting a harry potter fun book for you out of gold and red construction paper and yarn so you can have a memorable christmas present. On our third date I will string up mistletoe over your door only to steal a kiss before we depart to a midnight showing of Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire. I will familiarize myself with your deepest passion, not because it particularly interests me. But so that you have someone right there to indulge in it with you. Most importantly, I will get along with your friends and accept the fact that they were there before me.

Here is what I will expect from you ____. You will have to accept the fact that I am a workaholic, some months working 60 - 70 hour work weeks while I strive to build a stable foundation for our future. We will indulge in wine in the hot tub while having a heated argument on how Squall is hotter then Tidus. We will go on midnight hikes up to the Hollywood sign overlooking beautiful downtown Los Angeles in the moonlight and have a late night picnic. You will have to put up with me singing "The Reason" by Hoobastank out of tune at a karaoke bar while dropping to my knees and pointing at you... my reason. We will leave the windows open in the winter as an excuse to embrace tighter and pile on more blankets. You will have to accept the fact that I cannot dance to save my life but will have no shame in going out there and trying. We will dress up in suits and go watch college productions of Batboy, The Last 5 Years, and Cabaret.

Yours Truly,
Juan Hidalgo

P.S. - I know how you had a busy weekend so I went ahead and had your suits dry cleaned and pressed, and your car washed. oh yeah, your lunch is in the refrigerator. And don't forget to lock the door on your way out.

I'll post a non-whiny entry later, as for now I am going to bed, alone.

Current Mood: complacent complacent
Current Music: "Old Red Hills" ; Parade

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Reality comes slowly
For those who get to hide
A thorn can nest forever if you choose
You can live with all the pain
No one will see your scars
But did you win or did you lose
No one will really know you
What you go through
All the pain
They'll joke around you if the act is good
Your bold creations, explanations
All is bought
You'll be believed
But never understood.
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And you run and you run,
To catch up to the sun,
But it's sinking.

Current Mood: contemplative contemplative
Current Music: Pink Floyd - Time

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All in all you're just another,
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In the evening I've got to roam
Can't sleep in the city of neon and chrome
Feels too damn much like home
When the Spanish babies cry
So let's find a bar
So dark we forget who we are
And all the scars from the
Nevers and maybes die

I've seen him 8 out of the past 11 days.

How do you write a song
When the chords sound wrong
Though they once sounded right and rare
When the notes are sour
Where is the power
You once had to ignite the air

-I'm going to start playing my trumpet more god damn it.
-Had a performance with the Fullerton College Jazz Band today
-I work early tomorrow morning
-I quit Jazz Combo today, it's taking up too much time
-He bought me a melted chocolate easter bunny <3
-My new car is tiny...
-I'm going to a frat party in Isla Village Santa Barbara next weekend.
-Still, no one will go see the Jesus movie with me.
-My friends really like him,
-Why won't a new episode of enterprise air?
-I want to climb something this Sunday.
-From one window of my room I hear the soothing sounds of the Interstate 5
-He really likes my friends,
-I'm going to ask for a promotion at work in the beginning of May
-From the other window of my room I hear the lovely sound of Peacocks screeching
-Naruto 79 is out
-I'm decking out my car with an expensive sound system and Stereo/MP3 player next weekend

Current Mood: cheerful cheerful
Current Music: Wicked ; 'Defying Gravid"

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